Who’s In Charge Here?

   This last week I shared with my wife about a transformation that has been happening with me and she urged me to share this with you, so here goes! You may know that I am a pretty “left brained” person, who likes to have things pretty organized and defined, which meant that this recent, rather abrupt move from the rural foothills of the CA sierra Nevada to suburban Detroit, would be extremely disruptive and challenging. Weather, congestion, scenery, traffic…etc. 

   There were many things I felt that had been abruptly abandoned: a peaceful home setting with magnificent open scenery and year round opportunities to grow a variety of fruit and decorative trees, flowering shrubs and perennials. It gave me great joy to see how my wife liked to take her many lapped “prayer walks” with our two dogs, along the many winding paths we had made, surrounding our elongated pond.  In fact, it was satisfying seeing the results of all the work and planning we had made. This was coupled with some wonderful friends and neighbors we had back there. Are you getting the picture… “we had arrived” and this was where we would spend our remaining days! Visits back to family in MI could be made, but always returning to our “home base.”

   Well that all seemed to have been shattered when we made the decision to move to MI, to be closer to our daughter and family and to be nearby as we made the transition into “elder years.” It was a very hard transition for both of us, moving in late January and of course Judy Lynn’s fall in late February, resulting in her hip surgery. As for me, internally it felt as is my whole basis of orientation was yanked away and I was feeling extreme feelings of loss. I was feeling I had nothing to be in charge of here…nothing to manage, like I had daily around our small ranch. I was losing sleep regularly and the recurrent theme of my thinking was, “What have I done?…now it’s irreversible! What am I going to DO here?”

   Then a remarkable series of events happened recently that has altered this orientation in my thinking. Setting aside time early each day to go over several memory scriptures and spend time communing with the Lord has begun to redefine my thinking.        

   However, it was a recent event which really has seemed significant in this transformation. Our dermatologist back in CA had retired and there were no others in the area to have our routine skin checks…with no feeling of urgency, I decided it could wait.  So now, where to go in MI?   Amazingly a modern, very up to date skin care center was discovered right near us and we both made appointments for a yearly exam. Both of us had the typical freezing of spots with liquid nitrogen, and a couple of biopsies of suspicious areas on our face/nose. Having spent years lifeguarding and hiking in the high mountains…now aging, damaged skin would have its time of reckoning! Would they find any lurking skin cancers?

      Judy Lynn’s tests were all negative, but a call from the center a few days later revealed that one area on my nose had squamoush cell carcinoma and needed to be removed. Would this have even been found if we had stayed in CA, where I had no urgent plan to seek a new skin doctor?  So I made the appointment for the next day and in a long series of cuttings and testing there in the skin center, Dr. Murakawa was confident he had removed it all. For a few days, I had a huge gauge bandage on my nose, which Judy Lynn cheerfully said now looked Grecian! 

During that whole procedure, which lasted all morning, I felt a peace that I really had not felt before, which I feel was the result of God’s pouring out his love and his peace. I had surrendered myself, telling him that my life was His and the timing of my life here on earth was His. I told Him I was not ready, that we hopefully would have lots of  wonderful times here in MI, but if now was the time, I was at peace with that. So I guess it just came down to this: who was in charge? When I gave over my struggle to Him, this peace just flooded over me. This was surprising to me, reorienting my whole frame of thinking. I must say that those earlier thoughts still are lurking, and will need to be dealt with as time goes on. It’s definitely a “work in progress!”

     So, have you had similar experiences? Do you have feelings like me that you are in charge and are rejoicing with satisfaction at things YOU have planned and/or accomplished? So it was during those hours of the painful injections and the frequent surgeries that many of those memory verses of hope and peace comforted and sustained me.

     I thank you Lord for meeting me there in that time of loneliness and fear and giving me your hope and peace. Amen and Amen.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but with everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all your understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4: 4-7 NIV  

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14: 28 NIV

“Yea though I walk though the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”  Psalm 23: 4 KJV

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Albert Arthur Lowery