"The Declaration of Behavior Expectations!"

   Now that we are living about fifteen minutes away from our daughter and her family, there have been lots of opportunities to spend time together. We’ve enjoyed having the two youngest grandchildren come to our house to visit and for sleepovers. On a few occasions, the boys have even spent several days with us. Then there are many times when we can help out by going over to their house and staying with them until one of their parents comes home.

   Realizing that the boys might try to test us and also wanting to be consistent with their parents, we decided to write down some expectations of behavior. We didn’t want to just assume that our grandsons knew what we were thinking. Our goal was to set reasonable boundaries so that we could have fun and positive interactions together.

   As teachers, Al and I couldn’t assume that our students knew the fundamentals of the subjects we taught. From one year to the next, the same lessons had to be taught, often in a particular order. It was important that the subject matter was explained clearly; it was just as important that class rules and expectations were well defined, discussed and reviewed periodically.

   For my first assignment as an elementary school teacher I was given a challenging sixth grade class. After several frustrating weeks, Al advised making an individual behavior contract for every student. Once the contracts were discussed with the kids, signed by their parents and returned to me, things began improving. It turned out to be an enjoyable year.

   Our situation is somewhat different, since as grandparents, we don’t have the same authority as parents or teachers. We hoped that the following list of behavior expectations would help clarify things. “In our family we: use kind words; tell the truth; do what is right; help others; get along with each others; listen to each other; say ‘I am sorry’ when we hurt someone’s feelings and forgive when we’ve been offended.”

   These expectations were typed out on a paper and signed by the boys, their parents and grandparents. We had to reassure Nate (9) and Elliot (7) that none of us were perfect or expected perfection. This led to some interesting discussions on what the incentives might be for improving and what the consequences of unacceptable behavior would be. It was Nate who came up with the name "The Declaration of Behavior Expectations!" 

   Well, our list of expected behaviors was put to the test recently one evening while I was taking care of the boys. As the designated hour for bedtime came and went without much progress being made, I got impatient. That didn’t help speed them up but just served to make things worse, as an argument ensued. Both boys finally went to bed unhappy and upset. Grandma wasn’t happy either.

   Later I went back into their room to check on them. Nate was asleep; however his younger brother was still awake. I had to refrain from chiding Elliot for still being awake and sat down beside him. With our list of behavior expectations in mind, I talked about what had happened and apologized for being impatient. Then there were hugs and a goodnight prayer.

   “Grandma, can I tell you about something that happened at school?” I stopped on my way out the door and went back to his bedside. He was talking in a low voice and I had to lean over to catch what he was saying. 

   “We had an assembly. It was about a kid… N.G.U. It means never give up...” Then he looked at me seriously and said, “Just keep that in mind, Grandma. Never give up!”

   Not wanting to delay his going to sleep any longer, I assured him that I wouldn’t give up and said a final ‘Good-night,’ somewhat mystified. Was Elliot trying to tell me not to give up on him? Or not give up on our behavior expectations? That night, I stayed awake too, confessing my impatience and trying to think of other things I could have done to diffuse the situation.

   It’s comforting to know that God will never give up on me. Lord grant me the grace to forgive when offended and the patience to see the good in others. Help me never to give up loving your children. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV

"Love never fails...” 1 Corinthians 13:8a NIV

Nate as Humpty Dumpty in "Dorothy in Wonderland!"

Elliot & Nate with their parents and grandparents! (well 2 of them anyway!)

He also was a card in the play!