The Tug of War
“In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but
alive to God in Christ Jesus.” *
A few days after
Al’s shoulder surgery, I began to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of
taking care of him. We were up at 4:00 a.m. on the morning of the surgery, then
had a long night afterwards trying to help him get comfortable in the recliner.
It was difficult for him to sleep upright, but seemed to be better than in the
bed.
Pain was also a
factor, intensifying at night; so, it was important to keep ice on his
shoulder. We had several house visits from an Occupational Therapist, an RN and
a Physical Therapist, all of whom were very reassuring and encouraging. They
checked his vital signs each visit, monitored his medicines, and spent time answering
our questions.
One of the nursing
duties that I had to help with between the nurse’s visits was the removal of the
catheter on his chest that was attached to a pain pump. Because of the
likelihood of infection, the pain pump could only be used for four days and
then had to be disattached from his body.
Now that was far
out of my comfort zone. The worst part turned out to be pulling the extremely
sticky tape off his neck. Ouch. I hated to hurt him; but he never complained.
Al was an
extremely good patient, thanking me over and over for my help. But the
combination of the lack of sleep, stress over his operation and the
responsibility of taking care of him grew to be too much. It came to a head one morning when I began to
whine, complain and feel sorry for myself.
Now I could have
taken a big deep breath and thought of all the reasons for which I had to be
thankful. Unfortunately, I chose to be grouchy, giving in to the selfish part
of me. At that point, help rendered to him wasn’t done in love or with joy but
with a negative attitude.
There was a big struggle
between the selfish side of me and the selfless side of me—a tug of war with each
pulling in the opposite direction. After venting to Al, I realized that I
needed to let go of myself and trust God to take over. He would provide the
strength and guidance necessary as I put every detail of our lives into His
hands.
Later when I was outside watering, the flow of
water was suddenly cut off from the hose. I had to stop and uncrimp it before
watering again. That happened repeatedly and was aggravating.
The crimped hose
was a powerful image of the way we can cut off the flow of the Holy Spirit in
our lives through selfishness, wrong attitudes and negative thinking. When we
stop fighting and surrender to the Lord, He can flow freely through our lives
and out to others.
With the sun
behind my shoulder, an arc of a rainbow formed through the spray, I was
reminded of the promise that God is transforming me in spite of the tug of war
between self and the Spirit within me. I only need to give Him permission.
Now that Al is on
the mend from his shoulder surgery and is becoming more independent, some of
the responsibility of caring for him has been lifted from my shoulders. More
sleep helps too! I’m thankful for the improved situation, but especially for
God’s grace. He never gives up on us, even in the midst of our tug of wars.
Good news, eh?
“…We
died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us
who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were
therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just
as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too
may live a new life…”
“Now
if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know
that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no
longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he
died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.”
“In the
same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.”
* (Romans 6:2b-4,8-11NIV)
Comments
Post a Comment