Dealing With Fear

           When I was in the third grade, I learned how to play the flutaphone, a small plastic instrument similar to a recorder. After the flutaphone, I tried the violin, mainly due to the influence of a classmate, but didn’t stick with it for long.

The clarinet seemed like a fun instrument to play; however, after having to practice at home blowing only on the mouthpiece, I nearly gave up on the clarinet as well. After a month or so of practicing on the mouthpiece, I was able to play the whole instrument and liked it.

In the sixth grade, I decided to enter a school-wide talent show. Well, right in the middle of the “Song of the Volga Boatmen,” my reed (on the mouthpiece) cracked. Suddenly a piercing squeak came out of my clarinet. In spite of a few more attempts, no other sound would come out. I walked off the stage mortified, with laughter in the background. I went home early that day, where I cried and told the sad story to my mom.

Now fast forward fifty-four years to the fall of 2013 and the announcement by Rosemary Koemmpel of a piano recital given by her students for their families and friends. After taking lessons from Rosemary for a nearly a decade, a recital should have been “a piece of cake” as my husband would say. But the same old fears remained, making a simple event into a big ordeal.

Since Al’s ankle joint surgery was scheduled around the same time, I almost got out of the recital. However the operation got postponed, leaving me without a good excuse. So, I chose a simple Christian worship song to play on the keyboard.

Rosemary, well aware of my reluctance to play in front of an audience, suggested that I accompany several of the kids who knew the words to the song and were good singers. She even arranged for a talented young man to play the piano along with me; and the people in the audience were also invited to join in on the chorus. I only had to play the first couple of measures by myself.

Well, you can guess what happened. I went blank, even though the music was in front of me, and stumbled through the solo part of the introduction until the piano joined in and the kids began singing. Embarrassing!  

Rosemary’s students all did a great job. Her wonderful teaching plus their hard work at home really paid off. Many of them had memorized fairly complicated pieces. There were a few mistakes; but that really didn’t matter. The kids were cute...and their parents so proud. It really was a good afternoon, all in all. From that experience, I realized that my fear of “performing” needed to be faced and conquered.

So, how do I deal with this fear which seems to numb my brain and paralyze my fingers? How do I put playing my keyboard in a recital or in front of others in the right perspective, letting Jesus shine His light through me? I’m sure that it will take a lot more practice, the right focus, concentration, perseverance...and prayer.

            Dear Lord, please help us when we are overcome with fear. Set us free from any emotion, habit or anything else which would control us, separating us from your love. Help us to live in the freedom of your peace and in the joy of a close, loving relationship with you. In Christ’s name, Amen.

“I said, ‘You are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’” Isaiah 41: 10 NIV
(published in the Porterville Recorder on 1/18/14)